My Angel, Erin - Donna Davis

From The Vine
"I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me,
and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit:
for without me ye can do nothing." John 15:5

MY ANGEL, ERIN
BY: Donna Davis

This is a tool of ministry, given to me by my Abba Father, for those in similar circumstances. This is something I could not bear to talk about before September 1999, but is now of great comfort to me.

I wanted to have children my whole life. I have had names picked out for my children since childhood. I was married for 4 years and found out I was pregnant the day I lost my baby. I miscarried early in this pregnancy and I was devastated. I was never able to conceive again.

In 1980, I went into surgery to have a tumor removed from my ovary. Upon coming out of surgery I was told that a complete hysterectomy had been necessary. I thought I was devastated before. My life was ruined... destroyed... unfixable!!

For years I mourned and grieved for the precious baby (Erin) that I had lost and for the children I could never have. I hated Mother's Day. I refused to go to church on Mother's day and was in a state of depression every year for weeks after. I just could not understand... WHY... Why was I not allowed the happiness of having and rearing a child. To add to my sorrow...my husband was an only child and His bloodline will go extinct when he dies. I turned bitter and pleaded with God for comfort..for an answer...after all, babies are found in trash cans, they are aborted before having a chance at life, they are murdered by abusers and molesters.

I started a Home Daycare and I did draw some comfort from the precious children I had the privilege of keeping during the day. Yes, this provided some relief but I still couldn't understand... WHY.? I wanted desperately to adopt but my husband absolutely refused because of a bad situation of an adoption in the family by one of my relatives. Every time I approached him the answer was still, NO... NO... NO!!! I harbored bitterness against him for years because of this.

In September 1999, one of my mother's of a child I keep, had a miscarriage. She was 1/2 way through her pregnancy. All of my past and my situation flooded me afresh. It was as if my miscarriage had just happened, yesterday...but that precious Mother was devastated... distressed... hurting and questioning WHY?!! God spoke to my heart and said, "Minister to Judy, you know what she is going through. Comfort her." I was amazed and I said, "Lord, how can I comfort her, when I am not comforted?" God then spoke to my heart. He did not speak the words aloud in my ear but they were spoken loudly...in my heart. These are the words my Abba Father spoke to me:

"I Knew these babies before they were in your wombs. They have been in my presence before the foundation of the world was established. They were lent to you, but they mourned for me in the womb and could not be comforted. They could not bear the separation from my presence, so I took them back. Don't you see? They were mourning for me and could not be comforted. I redeemed them before any sin could attach and before any guile entered their mouths. They are in my house before my throne and are once again living in my presence. They no longer mourn and cry for me, but they are comforted. I am a merciful Father. They live in peace before my face. Rejoice, my daughters and take comfort, for your children will never know sorrow again."

That day my heart was comforted...I can't tell you how different I have felt since God told me the reason my baby was taken. He loved my baby so much, that He couldn't stand for it to sorrow after Him. Those babies wanted to be back in God's presence. They wanted their Abba Father. I have not questioned WHY.. since God spoke to me. I still long to hold my baby in my arms....to caress her.... to hold her close to my breast and whisper little love words in her ear...I long to sing her lullabies and to tell her Jesus loves her....I long to know what she looks like..does she have her Daddy's eyes?

I could go on and on about the things I long for, but all the bitterness is gone and I thank God for the comfort He has given me concerning her and for the great love He showed my little Erin by letting her return to her home. If you have lost a child, maybe it longed for the Lord and could not be comforted. Perhaps it is with my baby....happy....abiding with a tender, compassionate God. They would not return to us if they could...they didn't want to stay if it meant being away from their Heavenly Father. They now abide under the shadow of the Almighty!!

"I thank You Father, that You have comforted my heart and let me know WHY?!! And I thank you that you have allowed me to minister to someone whose heart was as broken as mine was. That I was able to feel their hurt and pain and therefore worthy to minister in this capacity. Thank You for taking good care of my sweet angel, Erin. Tell her "Momma loves her and I'm coming to see her, someday soon.

"The Husbandman
   is never nearer
   the branches
   than during pruning."
===================
Attention:
We're looking for Fired-Up Christian authors, journalists, and teachers for our E-zine. If you'd like to submit some articles that pertain to the subject matter
of this E-zine please forward them to the editors for approval.